just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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