I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
