your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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