Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
