Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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