seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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