I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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