we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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