I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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