I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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