Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's official drugs can't kill me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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