So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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