Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Someone signed my nipple.
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