woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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