are you still at the devil's house?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
