Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
