you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
