was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
