So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In America we eat man semen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
