I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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