I smell stomach acid.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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