you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You took a bar mat shot.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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