drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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