Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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