I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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