guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
