so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's always time for handjobs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
