just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
