Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
