Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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