I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
