Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
