I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
