had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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