A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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