Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
