so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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