im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she woke up with a sticky ear
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
