I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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