Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Where is the hickey?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize