wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
