I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
