omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
