She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
