Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
