One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
