It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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