You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
