You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
