Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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