My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
