she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
too bad you live with your parents still
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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