Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
