But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
