She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
