there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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