I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
