Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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