She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
