woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
