Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
